Day 26

On day 13 of this fast, I was standing in the kitchen thinking about how much I had learned. I thought – think of all the great things that are going to happen to me in the next two weeks if I keep going. Then I stopped and said, “Oh, no! I’ve done it again!”

What do I mean? On day 13 this fast stopped being about learning to trust God more; it turned into if I keep going think of all the great things God is going to do for me. It became about me trying to make God do what I want. I knew immediately what I needed to do…I must stop the fast! This thought was even more frightening to me! Oh no! I won’t have anything to fall back on… The concept of gaining God’s approval and love was so ingrained in my mind that even during a time of fasting, I was able to make it about me!

I forced myself to break the fast. It was intentional. I have to learn to trust God, not because I am worthy, not because I’ve earned it, not because I’ve worked hard for it, and certainly not because I did something special. I trust God because He loves me and His grace is all I need.  – It may be a life time battle for me, but I’m going to get this!

 

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